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62 - Where Have You Been
All My Life? |
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24/12/07
It's a Winterval Life |
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There are some things that always let you know it's
Christmas. Stores full of video games. Stores bereft of
the consoles necessary to play them. The first fall of
snow on a Coca Cola advert while the rain drizzles
outside. And of course, the seasonal rush on suicides.
But my own favourite is the familiar, comforting sound
of
disgruntled, petulant clergymen complaining that nobody
believes their fairy stories anymore.
This year's bleating bishop is an Anglican, proving that
the Catholics don't yet have the monopoly on
small-minded, childish intolerance dressed up as
high-minded spiritual concern. While I'm (originally) of
Catholic extraction myself, I do have a soft spot for
the old Church of England, if only because it's the
closest one can get to agnosticism whilst still
technically being a religion. Highlights of this year's
diatribe include the phrase "atheistic fundamentalism"
(nice try, arch-bish, but it's unlikely we'll be seeing
atheistic suicide bombers any time soon, since the lack
of an afterlife would make that rather self-defeating)
and the observation that some atheists view Christianity
as "superstitious nonsense" (Some? I thought
that was pretty much the whole point of atheism). Still,
for a lifelong limp-wristed, wet-trousered godless
liberal leftie like me, it's quite exciting to be called
a fundamentalist. Makes me feel all dangerous and stuff.
Grrr. Agree with my mad opinions or I'll make things
explode.
But my favourite part of the rant was the
obligatory reference to Winterval. This term, now
invested with almost mythical significance, is at the
centre of a storm of snorting indignation on the part of
churchmen and other traditionalists who don't like to
check their facts. The story goes that the
politically-correct Christ-haters that make up
Birmingham City Council have renamed Christmas to "Winterval"
in order to avoid offending minority religions. I say
story, because it's very much a story of the fictional
variety. The truth of the matter, that Winterval was a
promotional campaign for businesses encompassing a whole
host of events and religious festivals, Christmas
most prominent amongst them - not to mention that the
whole thing happened ten years ago - is readily
available from a whole host of sources, but is ignored
year after year. And so it's mutated into a virulent
urban myth of the season, trotted out by angry
Christians and anyone foolish or senile enough to read
the Daily Mail on a regular basis. The sad fact is that
most people reading the archbishop's Blessed Rant will
probably take the Winterval thing at face value, thus
perpetuating it for another year. But for those of us in
the know, it's rather entertaining to watch a senior
religious figure building an argument around verifiably
untrue information. Still, as someone rather wittier
than me pointed out, it's probably not the silliest
thing he believes...
I suppose I should say at this point - since I expect a
lot of people reading this will be Christians, and I
understand there's some sort of Christian festival going
on at the moment - that I don't hate Christ, or
religious people, or anything to that effect. I'm quite
happy for you to believe whatever you like*, just as
long as you're not going to raise hell about me not
believing it. And you know, the more I read the word "Winterval",
the more I get to like it. Partly because I'm fond of
terrible puns, but also for its magical ability to
enrage fundamentalists. So - though it's been said
before, many times, may ways - Merry Winterval to you.
*Well, apart from Scientology.
Look, you've got to draw the line somewhere, okay? |
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The Christmas we get we deserve. |
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