24 - Uncivil Defence                 30/07/07 I do not think you are good! I think you are rubbish!   Probably my favourite comedians of all time (well, I say all time, but does anybody actually bother with comedy from before about 1950? T-Rex doesn't think so) are Stewart Lee and Richard Herring. They're not massively famous, even over here in Britain, and apart from a recent one-off gig, they aren't really performing as a double act any more. But during the nineties they produced a succession of well-crafted and fondly remembered shows for TV and radio. And if you can remember one thing from those shows, it's probably Simon Quinlank, the hobby expert. Rather than describing this dark but wonderfully funny character, I'm going to link to some collections of his TV sketches, so you can see for yourself. Collection 1 - Simon bothers Norris McWhirter, takes rubbings of arses and outlines a novel use for a photocopy of his own face. Collection 2 - Simon vents his fury on eggs, collects old men and ignores some trains. Collection 3 - Simon humiliates Lee and Herring, then tests his mental stamina. Collection 4 - Simon impersonates a fruit machine, desecrates some metal, tries to have a wee for free, and expresses his hatred of the internet. Collection 5 - Simon attempts to commit genocide, plays some pranks on the public and finally stares into the terrifying depths of his own mind... Note that the last two were uploaded by me, and so you can blame me for the crap quality. You can drink your weak lemon drink now, or you can save it until later.           A deadly toxic nerve virus will be released into the atmosphere at Cannon Hill Park, Birmingham on Sunday. A choir of children from St. Mark's School, Sparkhill will sing a tearful dirge as local celebrity Jeff Lynne of the Travelling Wilburys unleashes the fatal virus, which contains his wee in gas form. "I hate the human race and will be glad to see them perish," said the once Electric Light Orchestra frontman.

© George Hutcheon 2007